A Need to Apologize for a No-Invite?

This year, since my son was turning 7-years-old, we allowed him to invite the 8 kids he wanted to have at his party. He chose 5 classmates from school, and 3 kids from the neighborhood that he plays with most days after school. There was one child whom my son did not invite because he only sees and plays with this kid when there are neighborhood gatherings, i.e. a BBQ. After my son’s party, we were attending another event in the neighborhood, and the parents of the kid who had not been invited came up to me and loudly stated that I was very rude for not having invited their son. It was very awkward since we were attending another family’s party. Anyway, the parents demanded an apology. Is this really necessary on our part?

It all depends on how close you are to this family. From the circumstances described, it sounds like you are not very close to the family, and only see one another when there is a neighborhood gathering. If this is the case, it is easy to understand why your kid did not include their child in his party.

Of course, this family may not see it this way. Some people may feel that if they see you regularly at neighborhood events, and the kids play together, that this means you are close. It is all perception, isn’t it? Given that you also included some kids from the neighborhood may also give them cause to feel wronged.

It wasn’t appropriate for the family to confront you at the other family’s party. It sounds like it was unresolved there. It is worth clearing the air, no matter how close you are or aren’t. Give a call or drop by on your own, and explain the situation:

1. You left the invitation list to your child.
2. The number of guests was capped at 8 kids due to (time, space, and/or budget) considerations.
3. Although they may consider that their child is very close to yours, that your kid doesn’t see it that way given he only plays with their kid at neighborhood parties, where the other kids are constantly playing together everyday after school.
4. State that you didn’t mean for their child to feel left out, and that you had no idea given the relationship from your kid’s point-of-view that their child would be so upset.
5. If you feel the need to apologize, you could do so at this point, but it really isn’t necessary.
6. Do listen to what they have to say and respond accordingly.

It’s hard for small kids to feel rejection when they are not invited to a party. Still, it is a part of life both for kids and adults alike. Helping children manage being included or not being included is a better route than blaming families for not putting all kids on the invitation list.