You know all about “swag” … those goodies you get when you attend parties. According to this NY Post article, swag is not just for grown-up parties, conferences and weddings anymore. Kids not only look forward to good swag, they expect it!  From expensive toys to LeSac bags filled with spa goodies and beyond, many parents are giving in to giving swag.

The article also points to parents who don’t agree with the swag-giving trend, citing one parent who is giving a lollipop with a note that a donation has been made to Haiti Earthquake Relief.

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Do you drink at or provide drinks to the adults at your children’s parties?

Often when adults attend kids’ parties, there is a license for the adults to drink; perhaps even become intoxicated. While most adults enjoy social drinking at parties with their friends, it is usually not appropriate to drink at small kids’ parties. A beer or a glass of wine isn’t a big deal at a kids party, but people have written in that adults at kids parties really can party it up to the point of acting in an embarrassing manner in front of the children.

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We receive so many kids’ party invitations in a given month we can’t attend them all.  How do we politely decline a party invitation without offending the host parent?

The top tip for this question is to RSVP by the given date on the party invitation and let the host parent know that you will not be able to attend due to a previous commitment.  Even if you have nothing planned, quite frankly, your plan may be to hang out together or simply run errands, etc.  The point is you have something else you want to do, and that’s really all you need to say.  This will probably be something you do more often with invitations from kids whom your child does not know very well, however, if you can’t make your child’s best friend’s party that happens too.

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My daughter has been invited to a party at 3 pm on a Wednesday afternoon … and I am a working parent!  There’s no way my child can attend this party due to my schedule. Is this appropriate given how many children have two working parents?

Although only a few years ago I wrote an article on the fact that more kids’ parties are held on weekends due to more flexible schedules and several other factors, today the trend has definitely shifted and more and more parents are planning their kids’ parties mid-week.  Many of the reasons for this trend come down to pure economics.  As an example, typically party venues will offer deals mid-week to help keep costs down.  Also, because it is on a school day, this may cut down on the numbers for the birthday party given that there are after-school activities going on and some may not be able to make it due to family schedules.

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When you play games at parties for young children, do you have winners and losers or is everyone a winner? Recently, on Momania, this question was posed and the responses range from those who think that winners and losers at kids’ parties are acceptable to others who believe everyone should win. What do you think?

The question brings up a good point: often kids expect prizes if they win, and can express disappointment if there isn’t a winner.  A good solution is to set the prize expectation clearly during the games.  If you will be giving out prizes, state, “The team/person that finishes first wins a prize.”  If everyone wins, hand out prizes to the entire group at the end of the game so the prize expectation is met.  If you won’t be giving out prizes, and everyone wins, do something fun like have everyone give themselves a round of applause or do a fun dance to celebrate the fun games.

Contributed by: Amy, Scottsdale Arizona

It is a little different, but after going through many birthday parties and NEVER getting RSVPs I have devised a trick.  It doesn’t work for family members, but I don’t feel bad calling them to see if they are coming…but, for school friends…

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I have an etiquette question regarding my 4 year old son’s birthday party.  The party is to take place at 1 pm on a Sunday.  I planned to provide finger foods for the kids and appetizers for the adults, but really didn’t know if it was proper to do so, or improper not to provide food for the adults.   My husband wants to provide pizza for everyone, but I am a little concerned about the cost, in addition to the fact that most people will have eaten lunch by then.  As a result, we will order pizza and then have a bunch of pizza left over.  Are we expected to provide lunch for the parents as well?  What do you recommend?

One pm is an interesting time to hold the party.  Some people may think that you are providing lunch (albeit a little late) any may not have eaten.  However, some people will definitely have eaten lunch by that time.  Instead of pizza, which probably can get very costly and is heavy, I would stick with your original plan – finger foods for the kids and a few select appetizers for the parents.Â
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Often if adults are attending and it is around a meal time, they will expect to be fed as well.  However, on your RSVP calls, you can also let people know directly that only X & Y will be served, so they should eat lunch beforehand to be perfectly clear.  I know you don’t want this awkwardness to arise at your party.
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For future parties, you may want to consider a 2 or 3 pm start time as then no one will expect a meal and you can simply do cake and ice cream for the guests.